ACS: Adam, Rob Hubel and Paul Scheer

Rob Hubel and Paul Scheer, best known for their work on Human Giant and Funny or Die, return to the show. Last time they were on they discussed whether or not they thought Michael Jackson was gay, and then a day later he died. They also talk about other celebrities and their sex scandals, and of course they mention Tiger Woods. Apparently one of the ladies that came forward is a stripper who now dances wherever Tiger is playing to capitalize on her fame. Rob and Paul think that in order to make golf more exciting, they should infuse MMA. They imagine a miniature-golf style game where Kimbo Slice stands on the green trying to block the ball and you have to fight your way out of that hole. Adam says 'you know you have a boring sport when comedians and couch potatoes are making suggestions to make it better. No one says that about hockey and football.' Speaking of adrenaline packed sports, Paul explains that he recently saw bullfighting at the Garden. He describes it as 'Two hours of crazy, crazy, crazy action,' but Adam points out that the 'Danger-to-Pussy ratio' for rodeo clowns is pretty awful. They propose rather than fighting world wars, we should just have a 'Running of the ____' where you fill in the blank with whatever group you need to hash things out with. Adam recalls a story of entering a pie eating contest. He explains that he was poor and hungry so he signed up senior year for an eating competition. He didn't actually participate in the contest, instead he just waited for everyone to finish eating, then he tried to take his full pie, grab a glass of milk, and enjoy it at a leisurely pace. Of course the teacher screamed and yelled at him for it. The guys wonder how the people who participate in an actual eating contest, and how it affects your body. How do you train for that? Paul answers by asking 'how does a girl train for a gangbang?' After much discussion about the intricacies of the rules, Adam declares 'We're all super intelligent, highly educated individuals, and yet, we have no answers. Do you have to bust a nut? Can you get a blowjob? Can a guy double up and come back twice? What about the gorilla masks? The point is this: we don't know. Gentlemen, the reason we're having this conversation is the reason we need a sanctioning body.' After taking a couple phone calls, they begin talking about how all the major comedians they know are nice guys. Will Ferrell, Steve Carrell, Ben Stiller... they say all of these guys were self-deprecating, and so they know what it's like to be a normal person. Someone like Justin Bieber has girls trampling all over each other just to be with him. 'How can you be humble?' Adam points out that usually it's the entourage surrounding the star that is worse. He tells another quick story about doing work on Katey Sagal's house and having her assistants blow everything out of proportion. They compare the situation to Kim Jong Il, who is surrounded by people commending his every move. They wonder what sort of grizzly things Kim Jong-Il's slaves must do for him, and Adam wagers you can tell the state of a country and how evil its dictator is based on how many posters they have of their leader up. Since at the top of the show they determined they are partially responsible for Michael Jackson's death by talking about him, Adam wonders which star they talked about today might get burned. If Bieber gets killed by a bull or dies in a bukkake incident they'll feel very guilty. Eventually they start questioning whether or not Richard Dawson is alive or dead. He's still alive, but Adam says he could be next. Keep your eyes peeled for Paul Scheer on The League, coming back this fall to FX. Rob Huebel will be on Childrens' Hospital on Adult Swim this summer and Funny or Die Presents on HBO. And reach either of them via Twitter: @PaulScheer and @RobHuebel.