Navigating Social-Sexual Boundaries | Nick Sparks

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About the speaker :

"Everything happens for a reason.

I learned this lesson at a fairly early age. My high school years were spent honing my social skills, and by my freshman year in college I'll admit they were good. I really had no problem making friends and always exhibited a flair for performing that continues to this very day. The kink in my armor, however, was the fact that I still hadn't figured out women.

Those first two years of college, my romantic experiences (which were never very consistent) consisted of the occasional night where I was a bit tipsy at a party, found a girl who was equally tipsy, and somehow manage to not screw anything up. It was after that 2nd year that luckily, fate interceded.

I didn't know what was about to hit me. All I knew was that it was May after my sophomore year, I couldn't go back home for another summer, and I had to find a sublet. Luckily my friend Katie had a room for me to rent in her sorority and would vouch for me to take it for the summer.

Ask any guy if he wants to drive an F1 race car and of course he'll say yes. If that same guy is tossed the keys and told to get behind the wheel, unless he was an F1 driver, he'd probably have a bit more trepidation. That was my feeling moving in that week. Of course I was excited to be surrounded by beautiful women all the time, but I was definitely not used to living with more women than my mom and sister and wasn't sure what would happen.

Luckily I had my social skills to fall back on. That spring I started building friendships with the girls in the house who were still in town, and by the time that the full heat of the summer was upon us, I was comfortable in my new home.

I quickly got a firsthand look at the conversations that girls were having about boys. Additionally, I would get to meet all of the guys that were hooking up with the girls in the house, and I soon became friends with the cooler ones. It could not have been a more perfect storm. I got bombarded with the full wonder that is the female mind and also got front row seats to watch how guys who were good with women thought and acted.

By fall, everything was different. My group of guys, which now included several of the guys I met that summer, was one of the "top" groups of guys on campus and I was dating several of the more attractive girls on campus, including a couple of my former housemates. My friends who had been absent that summer noticed the difference and began asking for advice. I became the unofficial "coach" of the group and as they started telling their friends about me, I built up a small reputation as the guy to come to for dating advice for both men and women.

Fast-forward 4 years and a million stories later and I'm working in sales as a mortgage banker for a top company in Michigan, while still being summoned for dating advice in my downtime. While sitting in my cubicle one evening, I get a call from a friend who tells me about a book called "The Game", and suggests that I can actually make a living doing what I had loved doing for the past 4 years.

In what felt like a whirlwind, I started my first blog and started offering my coaching services to the public. Fueled by good reviews, I packed up for what I thought would be a considerable stay in Chicago. During that time, Christian Hudson, an acquaintance from college, was just starting The Social Man and caught wind of some of the reviews coming out of Chicago. He invited me to come out to New York to do some work with him, and 6 months after unpacking my life in the windy city I was once again on the move to Manhattan- and the rest is history.

Everything happens for a reason. Some men were born to rap. Some men were born to program. I am lucky enough to be able to share my accumulated knowledge to help other men achieve social and dating lives that they want for themselves. No man is naturally good with women, but we all can be the moment we make the decision to get this handled.

-- Nick Sparks"