The moment mum told me I had Asperger's 🌊💪 | Heywire

"I sit at the 'high functioning' end of the spectrum, where the terms 'autistic' and 'Asperger's' become interchangeable."

I remember every moment of the day mum told me I had Asperger's.

Black tyres roll along the black road, bouncing and swerving around old potholes.

The two-lane river of asphalt vanishes beneath me as a yellow sign flashes by, warning mum of crossing wombats.

We're on the half-hour drive home from a sleepover at my friend's place in Wolumla, my five-year-old sister chattering away in the back seat.

Mum and I hold our own conversation. Suddenly she beckons me closer, flashing a look into the back seat as I lean in.

Her voice is a whisper.

"Promise me you won't tell everyone this," she says.

I nod my affirmation. She pauses.

"Maddi, you have Asperger's."

I was 11 when mum announced my diagnosis. The first clear thought I remember having afterward was, "well, this might explain a few things".

I get anxiety, I get lost in my own inner world, I have something called Autism Spectrum Disorder.

I sit at the 'high functioning' end of the spectrum, where the terms 'autistic' and 'Asperger's' become interchangeable.

Like other girls with autism, I tend to internalise my symptoms.

This, coupled with the lack of a local pediatrician, meant my diagnosis came much later than it could have if I was a city kid.

For most of my primary school life, I was simply labeled stupid.

Part of my condition is a severe lack of balance, also known as dyspraxia.

I remember going on a bike excursion in primary school, being left behind on my training wheels.

In many ways, this has made making friends a challenge but I have found ways of managing.

Karate, listening to music and swimming in the ocean helps me to stop time, diluting my anxiety.

I don't need balance in the water. There, for a moment, I can shut out the world and all its noise and I come out again feeling content.

While I live far from the big smoke and the copious medical benefits it offers, if I lived in the city with all its noise and bustle, I don't know if I would have gotten as far as I have.

The gentle wilderness of the far south coast has made up for the taunts and misconceptions of my early years.

So, even though receiving my diagnosis was a pivotal moment in my past, I've learned that being autistic does not have to define who I am or how I will live out my future.

If you or anyone you know needs help:

Lifeline on 13 11 14

beyondblue on 1300 224 636

Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467

Kids Helpline on 1800 551 800

Headspace on 1800 650 890

QLife on 1800 184 527

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