Why “Idiot Compassion” (Aka Yeslighting) Is Not Effective Support

Lori Gottlieb is a world-renowned expert on relationships: finding them, being in them, moving forward if or after they end, and how to repair them.

Here, she explains a common phenomenon in which people seek support from friends when they encounter challenges in relationships. While she acknowledges the benefits of talking to friends about these matters, she emphasizes that most of the time, the compassion we think is helping people merely provides a Band-Aid in the short term—and leads to more suffering overall and in the long run.

She distinguishes “idiot compassion” from “wise compassion,” which emphasizes our role in the problems we encounter in relationships of all kinds.

During the episode, we discuss a wide range of topics related to finding and being an excellent romantic partner. She offers actionable protocols based on decades of experience helping clients find and build the relationships they want most.

It’s an episode that ought to benefit everyone, including those already in a relationship, as it also focuses on how to be a better partner.

We also discuss the impact of modern technology on relationships.