Coffee with Hawk Episode 061: August 14, 2024

In this riveting episode of "Coffee with Hawk," our host dives into the political circus with the enthusiasm of a caffeinated squirrel. Hawk gleefully reports that Kamala Harris's poll numbers are soaring while Donald Trump's are circling the drain faster than a flushed tic-tac. Speaking of tic-tacs, Trump's latest campaign strategy involves waving around containers of mints to explain the economy, leaving his audience more confused than a cat in a dog show.

Meanwhile, JD Vance, Trump's running mate, is getting roasted for his past podcast appearances where he shared pearls of wisdom like "post-menopausal women are glorified babysitters." Hawk suggests that Vance's favorite hobby is saying monumentally stupid things on air, which is apparently a great qualification for high office these days. In other news, New York Democrats have brilliantly crafted an abortion rights amendment that doesn't actually mention the word "abortion," because why make things clear when you can play political Mad Libs?

As the podcast wraps up, we learn that Trump's campaign is in such dire straits that his surrogates are reduced to accusing opponents of drinking horse semen. Hawk marvels at the state of political discourse, wondering how we went from "Ask not what your country can do for you" to "Did you hear about that guy who chugged equine fluids?" Finally, Hawk sprinkles in some historical trivia about Abe Lincoln's potential same-sex relationships, because apparently what happens in the Lincoln Bedroom doesn't always stay in the Lincoln Bedroom.

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