Indifferent, Neglectful Narcissist

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Early on in life, the narcissist learns to disguise his sociallyunacceptable indifference as benevolence, equanimity, coolheadedness, composure, or superiority. "It is not that I don't care about others" he shrugs off his critics "I am simply more levelheaded, more resilient, more composed under pressure... They mistake my equanimity for apathy." The narcissist tries to convince people that he is compassionate. His profound lack of interest in his spouse's life, vocation, interests, hobbies, and whereabouts he cloaks as benevolent altruism. "I give her all the freedom she can wish for!" he protests "I don't spy on her, follow her, or nag her with endless questions. I don't bother her. I let her lead her life the way she sees fit and don't interfere in her affairs!" He makes a virtue out of his emotional truancy. All very commendable but when taken to extremes such benign neglect turns malignant and signifies the voidance of true love and attachment. The narcissist's emotional (and, often, physical) absence from all his relationships is a form of aggression and a defence against his own thoroughly repressed feelings. (From the book "Malignant SelfloveNarcissism Revisited" by Sam Vaknin Click on this link to purchase the print book, or 16 ebooks, or 2 DVDs with 12 hours of video lectures on narcissists, psychopaths, and abuse in relationships)