Understand Your Past and Future Relationships

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Romantic relationships with intimate partners (significant others) are comprised of three components:

I. Mate Selection (Choice)

II. Relationship Model or Hypothesis

III. Termination Triggers

Mate selection is critical, of course, but even more important is to ensure compatibility between the mate selected and the model of relationship one has in mind. There are as many types of relationships as there are couples and one would do well to define precisely how one would like to live her life with her spouse. An open marriage calls for one kind of partner and a traditional one calls for another. Mismatches between the personality, character, and temperament of the members of the couple and the relationship model they have adopted are often the main fount of trouble, gnawing at the foundations and leading to the disintegration of the pair.

Yet, even when one's mate, partner, or spouse has been selected with care to perfectly fit the relationship one has in mind -- some relationships crumble. This is because the members of the couple have disparate "termination triggers" and abandonment anxiety thresholds. Insecurities, fears, and codependence often rise to the surface and lead to self-defeating behaviors, such as preemptive abandonment ("I will walk away before he does.")

Romantic, intimate relationships are comprised of various dimensions, functions, and axes. Deconstruct your past relationships in order to avoid mistakes in future ones.

(From the book "Malignant SelfloveNarcissism Revisited" by Sam Vaknin Click on this link to purchase the print book, or 16 ebooks, or 3 DVDs with 16 hours of video lectures on narcissists, psychopaths, and abuse in relationships)