Narcissist: I want it ALL and NOW! (Delayed Gratification and Entitlement)

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Narcissists cannot delay gratification. They are creatures of the here and now, because they feel boundlessly entitled. When forced to specialise or persist, they feel stagnation and "death". It is not a matter of choice but a structural constraint. This is the way a narcissist is built, this is his modus operandi, and his vacillating style of life and dizzying array of activities are written into his operations manual.

As a direct result, the narcissist cannot form a stable marital relationship, or reasonably devote himself to his family, or maintain an on going business, or reside in one place for long, or dedicate himself to a single profession or to one career, or complete his academic studies, or accumulate material wealth.

Narcissists are often described as indolent, labile, unstable, unreliable, unable and unwilling to undertake long-term commitments and obligations, or to maintain a job, or a career path. The narcissist's life is characterised by jerky, episodic careers, relationships, marriages, and domiciles. He is volatile, erratic, flexible, and ephemeral.

Hitherto we have touched upon the less malignant dimensions. There is worse to come.

The narcissist is possessed of a low self-esteem. In public, the narcissist presents himself as the quintessential winner. But deep inside, he judges himself to be a good-for-nothing loser, a permanent, irreversible failure. He hates himself for being so, and he constantly envies everyone around him for various reasons.

His discontent is often transformed into depression. Unable to love himself, the narcissist is unable to love another. He regards and treats people as though they were objects: exploits and discards them. He mistreats people around him by asserting his superiority at all times, by being emotionally cold or absent, by constantly bickering, verbally humiliating, incessantly (mostly unjustly) criticising, and by actively rejecting or ignoring them, thus provoking uncertainty.

The narcissist's interpersonal relationships are deformed and sick. The longer the relationship, the more it is tinted by the pathological hue of narcissism. In his marriage, the narcissist recreates the conflicts with his Primary Objects (parents or caregivers). He is immature in every walk of life, sex included. He tends to select the wrong partners or spouse. He does everything to bring about his greatest horror: abandonment. Even his staunchest supporters and lovers ultimately leave him.

In the wake of such abandonment, the narcissist experiences the horrifying and complete breakdown of his defences. He feels lonely, but his loneliness is of the existential, almost solipsist type. The whole world seems unreal to him, possessed of a nightmarish quality. He either feels disproportionately guilty and assumes all the burden of blame, allocating none to his partner – or blames her for everything, denying any personal responsibility.

(From the book "Malignant SelfloveNarcissism Revisited" by Sam Vaknin Click on this link to purchase the print book, or 16 ebooks, or 3 DVDs with 16 hours of video lectures on narcissists, psychopaths, and abuse in relationships)