Will I Hurt My Narcissist if I Cheat on Him?

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Cheating – even with the same man – with no intent to exit the shared fantasy does not provoke romantic jealousy.

Actually, cheating with the same man preserves the idealized version of the woman, while casual, sluttish sex challenges or destroys it.

So, the narcissist prefers the former: if she has a stable, long-term, intimate lover or if she has sex with someone she has known for along time – but only someone who does not threaten the shared fantasy with him.

The shared fantasy demands presence and availability. If the narcissist is busy (not available) or absent, the woman is free to do as she wishes (object inconstancy). But if he is available and present, she should be all his, exclusively. If she then spends time with other men, he perceives it as a rejection of the shared fantasy and it provokes abandonment anxiety and romantic jealousy.

Cheating which challenges or destroys her idealized version (drunk one night stand) and is intended to facilitate an exit from the shared fantasy (prefers to spend time with other men) provokes extreme romantic jealousy focused on both the sex and the intimacy with the other man (=the substitute shared fantasy).

Cheating that is intended to mortify leads to a breakup without romantic jealousy.

The narcissist doesn’t have sex (except sadistic despoiling) or real intimacy with his woman, so he does not mind if she has both with other men. He has a shared fantasy with an idealized version of his woman, so he feels excruciating hurt and intense romantic jealousy ONLY when the woman replaces the shared fantasy she has with him with a shared fantasy (=intimacy) with another man and, in the process, as she exits the shared fantasy she had with him, destroys the idealized version that I am interacting with.