BDSM, Sexual Sado-Masochism Disambiguated

Both laymen and scholars confuse sexual submission (“sub”, “bottom”) with masochism and domination (“dom”, or top) with sexual sadism. All four are consensual practices, but there are important differences.

Submission and domination are intradyadic practices, rarely conducted in public (not exhibitionistic). They involve the ritualistic and rigidly boundaried exchange of pain and power between the parties.

Sexual arousal in BDSM is the outcome of the suspension of the bottom’s autonomy and the outsourcing of potentially self-harming decision-making to a loving, compassionate, or caring dom. It is an extended fantasy or role play.

Masochism revolves around self-objectification, sexual degradation, the infliction and reception of real pain, and public exhibitionism. It is sometimes embedded in a fantasy of intimacy with a partner, real or imaginary. Physical pain and public despoiling are the founts of arousal - not humiliation or transient choreographed helplessness.

Sexual sadism is about being turned on by torturing a partner and observing her writhing and agony, however orgasmic it may be to the masochistic partner, and however momentary, and fleeting. It need not involve humiliating the partner or public exposure but, if the partner is averse to both, it often does.

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