Prof Sam Vaknin
@samvaknin·443K subscribers·2.3K videos
Narcissist: YOU His Dream, HE Your Nightmare (EXCERPT, Seminar, April 12, 2022, Budapest)
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20:32Now PlayingTo participate in the FREE seminar, write to: Barbara Gyura narciszcoach@gmail.com
Narcissist’s Relationship Cycle Decoded and What To Do About It
• Lovebombing, grooming, and honeymoon (Dual Mothering)
• Idealization and Introjection (snapshooting)
• Devaluation, Discard, and Separation-Individuation
• Replacement and Repetition-Compulsion
Narcissist regards himself as dream come true, god’s gift to you, perfection reified, the ideal intimate partner.
How can he be so sure? Because he first idealizes you. If you are ideal and you had chosen him, then HE must be ideal, too (co-idealization).
When you deviate from the snapshot (the introjected internal object that represents you in his mind and with which he interacts), he has to devalue you to explain your discontent, betrayal, and wish to break up. He is the ideal partner, after all.
Someone must be having a bad influence over you, or you are crazy and stupid (a narcissist, probably), or you are going through a phase or a crisis and you will get back to your senses soon enough.
You, on the other hand, increasingly regard the narcissist as your worst nightmare. You cannot believe that he is so divorced from reality! Yet, he is. Totally so.
You also regard yourself as a victim while he considers you the winner of life’s lottery. He resents what he perceives to be your constant carping while you resent his callousness and indifference to your suffering as well as his unwillingness to change.
You react to his nightmarish aspects while he fully expects you to react to him as you would to a dream come true. This mismatch in perceptions and expectations is at the core of narcissistic abuse.
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