NILF: Why Narcissists are Irresistible, Sexy (to some)

OVERT-GRANDIOSE, SOMATIC NARCISSISTS

Disinhibited kink, promiscuity, experimentation, no boundaries or limits: realize all your fantasies, including socially frowned upon.

Uncanny valley is universal – but not so the reaction to it. Polarized mate selection responses: irresistible only to some psychological profiles, others find them repulsive and creepy, no one is indifferent.

Danger as aphrodisiac: thrills, novelty, and risk seeking, defiance, recklessness, aggression as winner strategies.

Self-confidence as aphrodisiac: external regulation, regression with parental figure (daddy or mommy issues, dual mothership), alleviation of responsibility (deactivation of alloplastic defenses)

Shared fantasy as panacea: future faking

Hall of mirrors: self-infatuation, autoerotism

Fluidity: gender, sex, scripts, roles, age

Performative sex

COVERT, CEREBRAL NARCISSISTS

Covert and cerebral narcissists are incels. They have to bribe women to pay them any attention. They are infantile, so they cannot maintain a romantic or sexual relationship with a partner. Partners end up betraying them and cheating on then, often at their behest and owing to neglect, feigned indifference, or subtle encouragement.

They are also craven and seek the approval of peers, so they gang up on their partners with others and are never protective of their partners when they are approached or even preyed upon by others in their presence.

Cerebral and covert narcissists encourage their intimate partners to seek others as a way to get rid of them, at least for a while (though, more often, permanently) and to preempt their inevitable infidelity, to regain a sense of control (“I made this happen”).

But when the partners do elope with others ostentatiously and the narcissists could not fight back (too cowardly, ingratiating, plus what’s the point), they experience humiliating mortification by the poachers involved who egregiously disrespected and ignored them and thus negated their grandiose self-perception as awe-inspiring, feared, and respected.

The poachers regard themselves as “saviors” and “rescuers” or moral crusaders set against an insufferably haughty, bullying, contemptible, craven “monster” and fraudster.

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