UP TO YOU How People Treat You: Change Your Messaging, Signaling

Dignity is never about winning. It is about fighting for what you believe in.

Information asymmetry: you know about yourself much more than anyone will ever know about you.

So, people pick up cues from you (social learning theory and modeling) and follow them blindly, uncritically: if you disrespect yourself – they disrespect you, if you hate yourself – they hate you, if you self-defeat – they sabotage you, if you seek pain – they give it to you, if you are self-destructive – they gleefully ruin you.

If you consider yourself unattractive or unworthy or unlovable – so would everybody else. After all, you must know something that they don’t.

If you broadcast guilt, you are guilty. If you wallow in shame and self-pity, people will give you good reasons to do so.

If you consider yourself a failure and a loser who can’t get a single thing right – you will only and always succeed at failing. People will set you up for it.

You can convince people of the most outlandish and counterfactual claims about yourself – for better and for worse - if you yourself believe in them and passionately insist on their veracity.

But don’t get people to like you by pleasing them or by altering yourself so as to reduce their discomfort.

The only way to turn your life around is to treat yourself the way you want others to treat you, the golden rule. Don’t worry: people will pick up on your new transmissions and follow your lead. Ultimately, people seek to please and to conform.

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