Prof Sam Vaknin
@samvaknin·443K subscribers·2.3K videos
Toxic Help , Backhanded Compliments: Negging, Passive-aggressive Devaluation
Posted
February 23, 2024
Views
27,651
Likes
1,786
Comments
78
Engagement
February 23, 2024
27,651
1,786
78
6.74%
Every word spoken in this episode is indexed. Type any phrase to jump straight to the moment it was said.
Type any word or phrase that may have been spoken. Click a result to seek the player to that exact moment.
Try a name, a topic, or a quoted line
15:03Now PlayingNegging or backhanded compliments are repeated and escalating insults and personal attacks disguised as compliments or even as flattery: compliment what you do but attack who you are.
They are meant to leverage your vulnerabilities and push your buttons. They can incorporate public shaming. They adversely affect self-esteem.
Sadistic help is succor or advice that comes replete with extreme devaluation disguised as "tough love".
Both involve brutal, dysempathic honesty and passive-aggression. Both are forms of intermittent reinforcement.
Unfavorably comparing you to other people and insults disguised as collective criticism (criticizing you - not your actions).
For example:
• “Well, don’t you look fabulous? I would never have the courage to wear my hair like that.”
• “I’m so proud of you for quitting smoking! Too bad you already have all those little lines on your face.”
• “Congratulations for winning the ice dancing competition! Maybe some day you’ll give a real sport a try.”
• In some culture being overweight is considered very attractive!
• People are attracted to intelligence, not necessarily to good looks.
• They are leveraging your narcissism and paranoia to play you for a fool
• Let me fix this for you. You have never been good with your hands.
• Being a good parent is not everything in life.
• Don't try to do it. You are not good at it.
• I don't mind the costs of being with you. That's what friends are for.
• This dress would look fabulous on you once you had lost some weight.
Add you own examples.
Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store
Sentinel Indexing in Progress
Metadata and chapters are available. Claim extraction for this episode is pending.
All video content is delivered via YouTube embedded players in accordance with the YouTube Terms of Service. Sentinel provides research tools that promote discovery and accountability across political media.
