Prof Sam Vaknin
@samvaknin·443K subscribers·2.3K videos
Unforgiving Narcissist Hoovers to Revenge, Holds Grudges
Posted
March 5, 2024
Views
124,510
Likes
4,367
Comments
193
Engagement
3.66%
March 5, 2024
124,510
4,367
193
3.66%
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36:56Now PlayingTransgressions in shared fantasy space are mostly arbitrary, inconsistent, and imaginary.
Relationship management tool: reflects changes in perception of perpetrator and of self.
Reconstitution of grandiosity: Omnipotence: Inadmissibility of losing or being outwitted.
Reconstitution of grandiosity: Omniscient Infallibility: always right.
Righteous, anankastic indignation for moral injury (high moral ground, morality play): establishing blame, irreversibility of harm or damage.
Restorative justice and equity (reparations, restitution, amends).
Punitive vengeance: vindication.
Reasserting control.
Deterrence (behavior modification) and reputational costs of forgiving (appearing weak and vulnerable).
External solution to narcissistic mortification: severe consequences, part of pattern, inexcusable, immoral, gratuitous (mean, cruel), victim loses more than perpetrator gains (magnitude gap), disproportional.
Rumination, obsession, victimhood.
Grudge Theory (Roy Baumeister, Julie Exline, Kristin Sommer)
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