FACEBOOK EPIC RAP by Dan Bull

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Animated by Ryan Kidd. If you like it, tell him!

LYRICS:

I log onto Facebook sometimes

and it's telling me your gallery's updated but five

hundred of your pictures are the same, it looks like

you're pissed up every day with your mates at club nights

And I hate to be uptight, but I just find

it a shame you're afraid of the sunlight

And why do people never quite look like

their profile picture they pick for the front?

Why it's funny what the camera does to you

That must be why you're stood by someone fatter and uglier

so you look better in comparison, but it's apparent that

you're shallow and that that's what you've done here

Nah - you look absolutely fabulous

so let's have a game of Scrabulous

Mafia Wars! Mafia Wars!

How many times do I have to click ignore?

I didn't want to play it when you asked me before

so what the hell are you still asking me for?

If only there was an application

that let me smash your face in

600 million people like me like this

Are you taking the piss

or is there something I've missed?

Attempting a Facebook Chat's neverending

it says this forever: "sending... sending..."

exactly after you've said something

regretful it's essential it gets corrected

like: I was chatting to my friend and said this

"Let's get together, for a bevvy this weekend, Chris"

but cos it only sent the first section

he gets the impression there's sexual tension

Now there's an extra dimension to friendship

I didn't expect, and flipping heck did I mention

I hate the rate of your inane status updates

I couldn't give a you've just baked some cupcakes

If you wouldn't tell me in the pub to my face

why would I want it cluttering my front page?

Some days I'm amazed to witness

the shitness of other people's daily business

and I'm sick with these lazy idiots:

"I lost my phone, can you post up your digits?"

They say if it exists, there's porn of it

well now there's also a Facebook wall for it

"If a million people join this group

then I'll call my first born boy Sue"

"Oi you, are you coming to my concert?"

"Well I would, but I'm on another continent"

Every time I log on there's a berk

who's certain he's an entrepeneur. Sir

You don't understand, I won't become a fan

of your club promoter brand or Stones cover band

If you're looking for fans you need another plan

Stop spamming us with your rubbish ads

On the other hand, if you're watching this

click on the link and become a fan of Dan

600 million people like me like this

Are you taking the piss

or is there something I've missed?

It must be productively harmful

when there's less farmers on farms than on Farmville

"I'm milking a cash cow for sheep, wanna buy some?"

I'm thrilled, can you see my excitement?

These ads are leaving me frightened

How can they see I need my teeth whitened?

Now the security's been tightened

it's even easier to peek at your private

details, "just provide us your e-mail

we'll make your penis three times the size"

and hiding's not an option, this is social

Global is the new local

Applications, invitations

poking, open relations

If it's a complicated situation

you won't fix it with switching your status

Suggesting I add a lad that went to my class

I haven't met since reception, why dredge up the past?

"We should reconnect, we haven't spoke in a while"

I know, that's cause I find you totally vile

If we met now, we'd both run a mile

so why's this bloke on my file?

Next time I'm asked "what's on my mind?"

I might just click in the box and reply:

600 million people like me like this

Are you taking the piss

or is there something I've missed?

Buy nowand let's hit the charts!

Subscribe to Dan's YouTube

Like Dan on Facebook

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Circle Dan on G+