M&M Candies Cave To Tucker Carlson's Libido

After a years-long battle with M&Ms candy, Fox News host Tucker Carlson has apparently won the culture war as the company announced that they are getting rid of the "spokescandies" that they have had for decades. Carlson pitched a fit over a year ago when the candies became less "sexy," launching a culture battle against the company that raged until Monday morning's announcement. Ring of Fire's Farron Cousins explains what happened.

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*This transcript was generated by a third-party transcription software company, so please excuse any typos.

For roughly two years now, Fox News host Tucker Carlson has been waging a war against Eminem. When they first announced that they were going to make the green Eminem two years ago, a little less sexy, they were gonna put her in normal shoes. And I guess that was enough to send Tucker Carlson over the edge. And so again, for 24 months, that man launched a crusade against Kandy because he no longer found it attractive physically, sexually. And yesterday, Eminem's, after making several more changes over the last year, made an announcement that apparently Tucker Carlson has won the culture war against m and m's candies. Here's what m and MSS had to say in a statement. In the last year, we've made some changes to our beloved spokes candies. We weren't sure if anyone would even notice, and we definitely didn't think it would break the internet, but now we get it.

Even a candies shoes can be polarizing, which was the last thing Eminem's wanted, since we're all about bringing people together. So they announced that they are getting rid of the spokes candies and instead replacing them with the lovable Maya Rudolph. And they said, you know, we're confident Ms. Rudolph will champion the power of fun to create a world where everyone feels they belong. So those Eminem spokes candies that, by the way, have actually been around for decades, going all the way to the era of black and white television, they had Eminem's spokes candies, and now they're gone because Tucker Carlson was mad that an animated candy was no longer wearing high heels. And of course, they, they did point that out right there in their statement, like, we're sorry we changed our shoes. I guess we have to get rid of all of them. Now, I'm not good with this decision from m and ms.

I think this is very stupid. I think it's them bowing to pressure from the idiots on the right who wanna engage in cancel culture, right? They're the first ones who always, always say that somebody else is doing a cancel culture. But it turns out it's actually them, because now these poor spokes candies are all out of work. And isn't that just sad? No, it's actually not. Folks, they're frigging candies. They're candies that a grown man worth millions and millions of dollars had a two year long temper tantrum over. I mean, this is Tucker Carlson we're talking about. The the heir married to the heir of the Swanson TV dinner fortune. And he had nothing better to do on his program than to complain about Candy's day in and day out for two years. But apparently being a whiny conservative eventually does pay off. I guess Eminem's buckled, they're taken away, their candy spokespeople and

Tucker Carlson lives to fight another day. Right? You've success, uh, successfully vanquished the Eminem Spokes. Candies. What's next? You're gonna go after the Tricks Rabbit. Has he been making you mad? You gonna go after, uh, the Lucky Charms guy? Maybe Captain Crunch, whatever it is, don't worry. Tucker Carlson will find a new culture war, lightning rod, probably within a matter of hours, and Republicans will just move on to the latest animated mascot frenzy, because that's all they seem to know how to do.