How to talk to veterans on Memorial Day - and every day

War reporter Sebastian Junger and Vietnam veteran Karl Marlantes discuss how to talk to soldiers returning from combat. Junger and Marlantes explore the challenges of war and coming home in their new PBS Special, ‘Going to War.'

More on 'Going to War'

The night before I left for Iraq, I put my two young daughters to bed. My wife and I read them a story and sang to them as they drifted off to sleep. At the time, I thought of myself as a responsible citizen who followed the news and analysis about the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. I had even made a documentary about the hardest-hit combat unit in the Iraq War — Lima 3/25, a Marine Reserve unit based in Columbus, Ohio. War did not feel distant to me.

I did not go to Iraq as a Marine or a soldier. I went as a filmmaker. Still, as I lay next to my youngest daughter, it struck me that if something were to happen to me in Iraq, she would have no recollection of me. I wondered how many others had the same thought as they left for war? How many of those fathers, mothers, husbands and wives had not come home?

It struck me then that I had no idea what it meant to go to war. I knew nothing of the separation, the loss, the sacrifice of war because nothing war-related had been asked or expected of me or my family. At that point, America had been at war in Iraq for five years (longer in Afghanistan), and I was almost entirely removed from it.

In the decade since, I’ve tried to hold on to that epiphany — to regularly remind myself of the burden carried by the many for the benefit of the few. I rarely succeed. There are too many distractions: work, bills, headlines screaming for my attention about the latest celebrity scandal or political crisis — to say nothing of the daily challenges of parenting and sustaining a marriage. Against this cacophony of normalcy, it is easy to forget that nearly 200,000 Americans are deployed overseas, including 26,000 serving in combat zones in Iraq, Afghanistan and Syria.

As a nation we excel at waging war, yet we are criminally indifferent to its costs and consequences. We celebrate the men and women who serve in our armed forces — thanking them for their service at sporting events, airports and parades. But rarely do we stop to listen to their experiences, especially those in combat.

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