pirates. drugs. gay marriage. // Auto-Tune the News #2

10th Anniversary Edition

For the second time, pundits and news anchors urgently break into song to deliver the news.

All the tracks & goodies on Patreon

The players in the news opera include:

Ruth Marcus on gay marriage

Kiran Chetry on marijuana

Sean Hannity and Hillary Clinton on pirates

Katie Couric on melting ice

‬TIKTOK: songifythis

*WEAR* G. Bros things on your body to make people ask you "what is a schmoyoho?"

Lyrics:

RM: This was a pretty remarkable week on the gay marriage front

First of all, to have a state like Iowa

MG: Whatchoo tryna say about Iowa

RM: Not the east coast state

MG: East coast

RM: Not the left coast state

MG: Left coast

RM: In a decision written by a republican appointee

MG: shawty, now you sounding so fine

Give me your number, we can bump and grind

Talkin about politics all night

Leavin the club in the mornin light

If we get carried away

We might get gay-married today

KC: We just heard from some of our viewers who strongly support legalizing marijuana

MG: Shawty, 5 of those calls was from me

KC: Do you think we should legalize pot alone or all drugs, including heroin, cocaine, and meth?

MG: My brain says no, but my body says yes!

AG: I'm an angry gorilla. I heard you needed me (ooh ooh ah ah)

SH: Now that Captain Phillips has been successfully rescued

The president has decided to step in front of the spotlight

AG: Ooh, I'm angry! You can't see it, but my forehead's veiny

SH: And even take some credit for authorizing the mission

AG: Well, don't you worry, baby boo

You'll always have an angry gorilla to be angry with you

That's what I do. Just ask Donkey Kong. He's in my crew

KC: At the North Pole, new satellite photos show arctic ice is melting so fast

AG: Oh snap, how fast?

KC: Many scientists now predict it will be gone within 30 years

AG: Surely you jest! I'm under cardiac arrest, shawty

KC: Some researchers think it could disappear in just six

AG: Shit!

KC: Without it there could be a snowball effect

AG: Oh

KC: With temperatures rising even faster

If we all don't take bold action and take it soon

AG: Yeah,

Both: We will find ourselves on very thin ice

MG: Tell em, Hillary, pirates on very thin ice

HC: These pirates are criminals

They are armed gangs on the sea

MG: That means the ocean

HC: The United States does not make concessions

Or ransom payments to pirates

...

MG: Hello, shawty, we can meet up at the mall

Browse around at the bookstore

Mentally ball until we fall