Self-gaslighting into, out of Shared Fantasy (Read Description)

Counselling

In the honeymoon phase you self-gaslight by idealizing the narcissist. Then you self-gaslight by totally devaluing him. In both cases, you have lost touch with reality.

Auto- or self-gaslighting: when you hear only what you want to hear, what you expect to hear, and not what was actually said. Confirmation bias. Resistance to change and learning coupled with impaired reality testing.

Future faking is not lovebombing or grooming in pre-shared fantasy phase: narcissist is not predatory, but acquisitive.

Healthy adults in intimate relationships have a fear of loss and abandonment + possessiveness + competition.

The cerebral narcissist has only separation anxiety (which is typical of a pre-Oedipal child), though some narcissists have all three, esp. psychopathic and somatic.

Intimate partners of narcissists are virtual singles with a petulant child or a stern father at home: dating is their only outlet and escape.

The only two faux adult roles the narcissist is willing to play (in order to secure the shared fantasy) are brief and devoid of any responsibilities, chores, or commitment. The narcissist's investment is proportional to his expectations and to benefits derived. This is only a small part of the manipulative ploy which also includes delusional role playing by everyone involved.

A narcissist with extreme object inconstancy and abandonment anxiety (esp. a compensatory narcissist whose grandiosity masks an inordinately low sense of self-worth) reacts all the time with romantic jealousy to his intimate partner's infidelity. But most narcissists turn a blind eye to adultery and betrayal and go about their business of securing plentiful and regular narcissistic supply.

Still: ALL narcissists feel humiliated owing to their inability to lead normal lives in which they are not compelled to share their women or give them up to other men (unavoidable outcomes of the narcissist's disability and ubiquitous dysfunction).

Narcissists switch from internal to external mortification real fast but they do first experience agonizing trepidation and mayhem. Such pain should be distinguished from romantic jealousy.

Being cheated on is only the tip of an iceberg.

Imagine a constant state of humiliation: women cheat on you and abandon you, businesses you create go bankrupt, projects you initiate fall apart, zero long-term self-efficacy, an impostor syndrome, a sense of lost agency and external locus of control.

Faced with such trenchant failure, the narcissist has two options: 1. Grandiosity (reverting to external mortification, casting everyone as malicious or envious); or 2. Suicide (opting for an internal mortification: "I am so impaired that I better put an end to it all"). It is a no-brainer. Of course, having to defend one's fantastically inflated view of oneself bring with it its own set of humiliations, betrayals, abandonments, derision, slights, challenges, and put downs.

The chronically sick and addicts become their illnesses: their disorders displace them and they transmogrify into their dysfunctions.

From individual to dysfunction.

Only the disease is left behind, having consumed and spat out the person.

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