How Narcissist Fails to Integrate Two Mothers

Since the narcissist has never seen the original, biological mother as bad in childhood. As a child, the narcissist was terrified to consider the possibility that mother is bad. So, how come, later in life, in adulthood, the narcissist is capable of perceiving the intimate partner as bad?

After all, the intimate partner is just another mother, a mother substitute. The narcissist has had no experience of regarding the original biological mother as bad. So, how come he is able, much later in life, to regard the substitute mother, the maternal figure, as bad?

The mother refuses to let go of the child (to allow the child to separate), not the other way.

The child splits the mother to all-good and all bad. He rejects the all-bad version of her (moral defense) but he is still aware of its threatening existence.

One way of getting rid of this ominous presence is by rejecting the mother and separating from her, a process that starts hesitantly and partially at age 18-36 months and culminates in adolescence.

In healthy adults, the bad and good aspects of the mother are later integrated. In narcissists, the two aspects remain disjointed and the separation incomplete.

In order to separate from the substitute mother, the narcissist adopts the all bad version of her (devalues her) and renders himself all good.

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