The Stubborn Narcissist: Deluded Obstinacy

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Even when self-defeating or self-destructive, the narcissist will insist.

Has to be right.

Advice and change are humiliating, challenge omniscience and omnipotence

Contempt

Defiance (reactance)

Contumaciousness

Punitive passive-aggression

Neglect and indifference

The narcissist tries to convince people that he is compassionate. His profound lack of interest in his spouse's life, vocation, interests, hobbies, social and sexual liaisons, and whereabouts he cloaks as benevolent altruism. "I give her all the freedom she could wish for!" – he protests – "I am the opposite of controlling! I don't spy on her, follow her, or nag her with endless questions. I don't bother her. I let her lead her life the way she sees fit and don't interfere in her affairs!" He makes a virtue out of his emotional truancy, neglect, absence and abandonment, misleadingly equating them with “freedom”, “liberty”, and liberal open-mindedness.

All very commendable but when taken to extremes such benign neglect turns malignant and signifies the voidance of true love and attachment. The narcissist's emotional (and, often, physical) absence from all his relationships is a form of aggression and a defence against his own thoroughly repressed feelings.

In rare moments of self-awareness, the narcissist realises that without his input – even in the form of feigned emotions – people will abandon him. He then swings from cruel aloofness to maudlin and grandiose gestures intended to demonstrate the "larger than life" nature of his sentiments. This bizarre pendulum only proves the narcissist's inadequacy at maintaining adult relationships. It convinces no one and repels many.

Inability to learn, evolve, grow and personally develop.

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