The Majority Report Mercilessly Mocks Andrew Cuomo

Andrew Cuomo is resigning. It's clear that the New York assembly had the votes to impeach him, and no political shenanigans on his part were going to save him. His resigntion speech was one for the ages.

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Sam Seder: Let's talk Cuomo. And I was just saying that my sense was that he was going to resign the moment it became clear that impeachment was definitely going to start. Because the impeachment process in New York state is different from the federal one. He was going to get impeached in the assembly it seemed to me. That it's just there's not enough transactional leverage he can't give enough to any one individual to make them not impeach him at this point it seemed to me in the assembly. And if you get impeached in New York in the assembly instead of like it doesn't go through until you get convicted in the senate you actually step down while the trial goes on in the senate. And it just seems to me that once you step down you're destroyed.

Emma Vigeland: Are you saying sam that he just wasn't overcome with his love of New York because New York tough means New York love New York actually sacrine nonsense.

Sam Seder: He wasn't New York tough it wasn't that he didn't have the love he did have the love he didn't have the tough.

Emma: But I was told the tough was the love.

Sam: No you were told that the love was tough.

Nomiki Konst: You guys are so anti-Italian. What is this? Stop mocking the Italians.

Sam: Oh I’m mocking him! I’m mocking him!

Nomiki: When you mock him you're mocking every hard-working Italian in New York. listen Columbus deserves to have a statue he's a hero.

Sam: When you attack Andrew Cuomo you're not just talking about attacking the Italian people because he's also black. He's a lesbian. He's a gay man. He's a child.

Nomiki: It's the best video it's the best Andrew has got a lot of moments that is my ringtone.

Sam: When I fondle people I don't just fondle state troopers. Yeah, I found the black people. I fondle white people. I fondle men, women, gay, straight, monogamous, polyamorous.

Nomiki: I do Eskimo kisses with Bill Clinton, Madeleine Albright, and I had a threesome no big deal.

Sam: Hold on. Here we go. Let's play this.

Andrew Cuomo: As a New Yorker I am a Muslim. as a New Yorker, I am Jewish. As a New Yorker, I am black, I am gay, I am disabled, I am a woman seeking to control her health and her choices. Because as a New Yorker we are one community.

Emma: I am a woman seeking to squirm away from my open lips.

Matt Lech: I am a woman who doesn't like pain.

Sam: I’m also a state trooper. I’m a state trooper. I’m working on my own security detail so really I’m not harassing anybody if I’m doing it to myself.

Emma: It's called self-love.

Sam: It's exactly are we really going to be anti-masturbation now.

Emma: I mean come on they're going to impeach the man for masturbating? They're going to impeach the man living himself reach around?

Sam: Jesus he took that a little further than I wanted to go.