7 Red Flags An Avoidant Is Using You

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Are they genuinely invested in you or are they keeping you around without intending to commit?

Dismissive Avoidants can sometimes show up differently in relationships, but Attachment Style alone doesn't explain away inconsistent effort. If you're constantly second-guessing someone's intentions, their actions may give you the clarity their words aren't providing.

Episode Summary

In this video, Thais Gibson shares seven red flags that may indicate someone isn't truly investing in your relationship. She also distinguishes between behaviors that can be associated with Dismissive Avoidant Attachment and patterns that suggest someone may simply be keeping you as an option. Importantly, she notes that these behaviors aren't necessarily conscious or intentionally hurtful but their impact still matters.

Thais explains why inconsistent communication, last-minute plans, frequent cancellations, late-night texts, and never going on actual dates can reveal a lack of meaningful investment. While Dismissive Avoidants may not naturally love planning far ahead, she emphasizes that someone who is genuinely interested will still show consistent effort. The key is to evaluate their actions rather than relying only on their words.

She also explores two important signs of relationship progression: being introduced to meaningful people in your partner's life and hearing them naturally include you in conversations about the future. If you're consistently experiencing the opposite and especially if several of these seven signs apply, it may be time to consider whether you're investing in someone who simply isn't looking for the same kind of relationship you are.

Key Takeaways

✔️ Keeping you as an option without relationship progression can signal low investment

✔️ Consistent last-minute plans may indicate you're not being prioritized

✔️ Repeatedly canceling plans at the last minute is an important red flag

✔️ Late-night-only communication may suggest they're seeking connection without deeper investment

✔️ Never going on actual dates can reveal a mismatch between their words and intentions

✔️ Meeting friends or family can be an important sign of relationship progression

✔️ Someone invested in a future with you will usually begin talking about that future

✔️ Pay attention to consistent actions, not just promises or explanations

✔️ These behaviors don't necessarily make someone a bad person; they may simply want something different from you

Timestamps

Meet the Host

Thais Gibson is the founder of The Personal Development School and a world leader in attachment theory. With a Ph.D. and over a dozen certifications, she’s helped more than 70,000 people reprogram their subconscious and build thriving relationships.

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