Prof Sam Vaknin
@samvaknin·443K subscribers·2.3K videos
Why is Codependent Clingy, Needy? (w/Daria Zukowska, Clinical Psychologist)
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June 10, 2024
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40:18Now PlayingBorderline, narcissism and codependency involve a fantasy defense. The codependent has a dual role as both parent and child, reflecting her punitive inner parent and inner child.
The codependent's inner parent feels betrayed when the codependent falls in love. It pushes the codependent to punish her partner as a loyalty test, to placate the implacable inner parent. Riven by guilt and shame, the codependent then punishes herself as well. This is a borderline dynamic.
Codependents and their intimate partners engage in co-regulation (via symbiotic merger/fusion).
The codependent suffers from object inconstancy, separation insecurity aka abandonment anxiety, and catastrophizing. She seeks to attach to a secure base via people-pleasing, control from the bottom and emotional blackmail (an external object), and aggression directed at an internal object.
The codependent outsources her ego functions, such as reality testing.
The codependent feels alive only when in a relationship, she maintains a vicarious life. In solitude, she finds her constricted life intolerable. She loves herself by proxy, through the gaze and agency of her intimate partner.
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